Chapter 5 - THE TEST RESULT HE BURIED
The fertility clinic would not release Julian’s private medical records to me.
Nor should they.
But they could release mine.
And they could provide copies of communications that had been addressed jointly to us.
What I found was enough.
Eighteen months earlier, after yet another failed cycle, our doctor recommended updated testing for both of us.
I completed mine.
Julian said he completed his and that everything was “basically unchanged.”
That was a lie.
A joint consultation had been scheduled.
Julian canceled it.
The portal message said:
Husband requests postponement. Couple discussing whether to continue treatment.
I had never known.
A second message was addressed to both of us.
Given updated findings from both partners, treatment options should be reassessed before additional cycles.
I never saw that message.
Julian controlled the portal password because he had originally created the account.
I sat in Rachel’s office staring at the printout.
“He let me believe it was all me.”
Rachel said nothing.
There was nothing useful to say.
For years, I injected hormones into my body.
Timed medications.
Missed work.
Cried through negative tests.
And every time Helga made a comment about “women waiting too long,” Julian squeezed my hand under the table.
Comforting me.
While withholding information that could have changed how I understood our struggle.
That evening, I called Sophie.
“Did Julian ever tell you he had fertility issues?”
“No.”
“Did he tell you the baby was definitely his?”
“Yes.”
“Have you done paternity testing?”
Silence.
“No.”
That surprised me.
“Why not?”
“He said it was insulting.”
Of course he did.
“Is there a reason it might not be his?”
Sophie became defensive.
“I wasn't sleeping with multiple men.”
“I didn't ask that.”
She exhaled.
“There was someone right before Julian.”
“How close?”
“Three weeks.”
That was close enough for questions.
Sophie sounded suddenly frightened.
“Claire, what are you saying?”
“I’m saying don't build your future on Julian’s certainty.”
The next day, she scheduled a consultation regarding safe prenatal paternity testing.
Meanwhile, Julian began sensing something.
“You're quiet,” he said that night.
“Tired.”
“About Friday?”
“The refinance?”
He nodded.
“Don't overthink it.”
I smiled faintly.
“When have I ever?”
He relaxed.
Then his phone buzzed.
A German message appeared on the screen before he turned it over.
Mutter:
SIE DARF VOR FREITAG NICHTS ERFAHREN.
She must not find out anything before Friday.
I looked away before Julian noticed.
Friday was four days away.
May you like
They thought they had four days left to control the story.
I had four days to dismantle it.
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