Chapter 7 - JUDITH HAD A PLAN FOR ME TOO
Judith’s blue notebook was worse in a different way.
No violence.
No chemicals.
Strategy.
Anna reacts emotionally.
Anna relies heavily on Lily’s affection.
Anna must be shown that Michael is final authority.
Then:
If Anna threatens separation, emphasize financial instability.
I stared.
Financial instability?
I earned more than Michael.
Not dramatically.
Enough.
Then I understood.
Judith believed I did not know our finances.
Michael handled investments.
Taxes.
Insurance.
I handled household spending.
He repeatedly told me divorce would be financially devastating.
Apparently his mother helped reinforce that belief.
Another entry:
If necessary, remind Anna she cannot afford the house alone.
Wrong.
The house had been inherited from my grandmother.
No mortgage.
Title in my name.
Judith either did not know or did not care.
Then:
Lily should remain with Michael because Anna encourages emotional dependency.
There it was again.
Turn the bond into pathology.
Make love look dangerous.
Then Rachel discovered something important.
Our home security account.
Michael had quietly removed my administrator privileges months earlier.
I could still view cameras.
Not download archived footage.
Not change settings.
Not see access logs.
Why?
Because he wanted control over what evidence existed.
Except he forgot about the old baby monitor.
Cheap technology defeated an expensive system.
Then another discovery.
My sister Melissa had texted me repeatedly over the previous year:
Is Michael okay?
Lily seems nervous around him.
Are you sure Judith isn’t too involved?
I always answered:
They’re fine.
I defended him.
That hurt.
Melissa never pushed because she lived three states away and did not want to insult my marriage.
Now she flew in immediately.
She sat beside Lily’s hospital bed after discharge and painted tiny stars on her fingernails.
No questions.
No pressure.
Just presence.
Then one evening Lily asked:
“Can Aunt Melissa sleep over?”
“Yes.”
Then:
“Can she stay if Daddy comes back?”
My chest tightened.
“Daddy isn’t coming back here.”
She stared at me.
“Ever?”
I did not know what the future courts would decide long term.
So I told the safest truth.
“He will not come back into this house while it is unsafe for you.”
She nodded.
Then she whispered:
“Grandma said you’d pick Daddy eventually.”
“What?”
“She said moms need husbands.”
My throat tightened.
“She said if I kept making trouble, you’d get tired of me.”
I pulled Lily against me.
“No.”
She started crying.
Then:
“Promise?”
“Yes.”
That promise I could make.
Later that night, Melissa found something in Lily’s school backpack.
A folded note.
Judith’s handwriting.
May you like
IF MOMMY ASKS, SAY YOU FELL.
It was dated two months before the incident.
